An RSVP is a small piece of paper, or a small web page, with a big job. It has to tell guests how to reply, by when, and about whom, without making anyone feel interrogated. Most wording problems come from asking too little (so you chase people for answers) or asking it in a way guests cannot follow (so you get one reply for a family of five).
Below: what every wedding RSVP needs to ask, wording you can adapt for formal and relaxed weddings, and sentences for the awkward cases.
What an RSVP has to ask
Before worrying about tone, check the response covers the basics. If any of these are missing, you will be sending follow-up messages later.
- Who is answering. Names exactly as you would like them on the place card.
- Whether they are coming. A clear answer for each person (yes or no; offer “maybe” only if you will chase it), not for “the household”.
- How many seats to hold. Stated on the invitation, so a guest does not guess.
- Meal choice and dietary needs, if your caterer needs them. See collecting meal choices for how to ask.
- The reply-by date, printed where the eye lands. More on picking one in choosing an RSVP deadline.
- How to reply. A website address, a reply card, or both, with one way marked as the main one.
Everything else (song requests, accessibility notes, a message for the couple) is a bonus. Add it only if you will use the answer.
Three things to avoid
- “Regrets only.” It sounds relaxed, but silence then means yes, and you will not know who forgot. Ask for a reply either way.
- A vague date. “As soon as you can” leaves guests guessing how urgent the reply is. Give them a date they can put in their diary.
- Making guests do arithmetic. “Number attending: __” invites a total no one can check. One name per person is easier to confirm.
Formal wording
Traditional invitations are written in the third person and keep the instruction short. The reply line does not need a question mark and rarely needs more than one sentence.
The favour of a reply is requested by the first of April
Kindly reply by the first of April at example.com/our-wedding
On a reply card, the classic layout leaves a line for names and two choices, so guests only have to circle or tick one.
M ______________________________ ☐ Accepts with pleasure ☐ Declines with regret
The “M” is for the guest to complete as Mr, Mrs, Ms or Mx, followed by their names.
Formal wording works best when guests are expected to reply in the same register. If you would rather hear from people in their own words, a casual line lets them.
Casual wording
A relaxed wedding can say what it means. The most useful casual lines are specific about the date and the action.
Please let us know by 1 April if you can make it. Reply at example.com/our-wedding. It takes a minute.
Please reply by 1 April so we can give the caterer a final number.
Giving the reason helps. Guests who understand why the date matters are more likely to respect it, and “final number for the caterer” is a reason nobody argues with.
More wording to copy
Short lines for the channels and situations couples ask about most. Change the dates and addresses to yours.
Please reply to this email by 1 April to tell us whether you can come, and let us know about any dietary needs.
Hi Sam, we are getting married on 14 June and would love you to be there. Please reply by 1 April at example.com/our-wedding. Alex and Jo
M ______________________________ ☐ Accepts with pleasure ☐ Declines with regret Main course: ☐ Beef ☐ Salmon ☐ Vegetarian
If you cannot travel, we would still love you to watch the ceremony online. Tell us when you reply and we will send you a link.
We are marrying by the sea over the weekend of 12 September. Please reply by 1 June, so we can book rooms, and tell us which events you will join.
Dancing shoes, an appetite and a reply by 1 April, please. We cannot count you in without one.
Wording for plus-ones and children
This is where most RSVPs go wrong. If your invitation says “and guest” or addresses a household, guests will fill in whatever number they think applies. Say it plainly and early. There is more on setting the policy in plus-one etiquette.
When the invitation is for named people only
We have reserved two seats in your honour. Your invitation is addressed to the people named on the envelope.
When a guest may bring someone
You are welcome to bring a guest. Please give their name when you reply.
When the day is adults only
We love your little ones, and we have planned an adults-only celebration. Thank you for helping us keep it that way.
When children are welcome
Children are warmly welcome. Please include their names and ages when you reply so we can plan seating and meals.
When replies happen online
An online RSVP changes the wording because the form can ask each question properly. You do not need to cram “please indicate number attending” onto a card. Instead:
- Print or write one short instruction, such as “Reply at the web address below by 1 April”.
- Show the same date, and the reason, at the top of the page guests land on.
- Ask each person’s name separately, so the place cards write themselves.
- If guests who cannot get online are likely, say so and give a phone number or an email address you actually check.
In JoinMe, the wedding invitation page has an “RSVP by” date. Guests answer yes, maybe or no, say how many are coming, give each plus-one’s name, and answer any questions you added, such as a meal choice per person. Replies stop at the deadline you set, and every guest gets a personal edit link in case plans change before then. See everything a wedding RSVP page includes.
When a guest replies late or wrongly
However clear the wording, a few replies will arrive after the date, or with the wrong number. Decide your answer once, so you are not improvising each time with a friend waiting on the other end. The first question is always whether you still have room, and whether your caterer will take a late change. Ask them before you reply.
A late yes, and you can fit them
Thank you for letting us know. We have kept a seat for you and are so glad you can come.
A late yes, and the numbers are fixed
Thank you for replying. We gave our final numbers to the venue last week and cannot add anyone now. We are sorry, and we hope to celebrate with you another time.
A reply that brings someone you did not invite
We would have loved to include everyone, but our numbers are fixed and your invitation is for you alone. We hope you can still join us.
Offer the second and third only when it is true. Do not invent a deadline you did not have. A reply that changes after you have replied is easier: guests who used the personal link can edit their own answer, so ask them to do that rather than message you.
Questions people ask
What does RSVP mean?
It comes from the French “répondez s’il vous plaît”, which means “please reply”. It asks the guest to respond whether or not they can come.
Do I need a reply card if guests RSVP online?
No. If you give a clear web address and date, a reply card is optional. Some couples include one for guests who prefer paper, so offer it only if you are happy to enter those replies yourself.
Should the RSVP date be on the invitation?
Yes. A date printed on the invitation and repeated on the reply page gives guests the timeline and gives you a reason to follow up afterwards.
How do I word the RSVP if guests cannot bring a plus-one?
State the policy plainly, in warm language: “Your invitation is addressed to the people named on the envelope.” Repeat it on the reply page.