Save the date vs invitation: when to send each

What each one is for

A save the date gives guests early warning. It lets them hold the day, ask for leave, and start looking at travel before the details are settled. It does not ask for a final RSVP, although you can collect contact details or an early sense of who might come.

An invitation is the real thing. It has the venue, the times, the dress code, how to reply and by when. It is the message guests act on, and the one your reply count comes from.

Keep them separate in your head. If a save the date starts asking for meal choices, it is an invitation with a bad reply form.

What goes on each

Save the date

• Names of the couple, as you would like to be known.
• The date, and the city or region if you know it.
• A line saying a formal invitation will follow. That tells guests this is not the whole story.
• A website or email, if you have one ready, for questions.
• A way to leave contact details, if you do not yet have a current email or address for them.

Invitation

• Who is hosting and who is invited, including whether children and plus-ones are included.
• Date, start time and venue, with the address guests can paste into a map.
• The reply-by date and how to reply. See wedding RSVP wording for sentences to borrow.
• Dress code and any practical notes, such as outdoor ground or a long walk from parking.
• Accommodation and travel, or a link to where those live.
• Questions you need answered, such as meal choices and dietary needs.

Timing without a magic number

There is no universal gap between a save the date, an invitation and the wedding. What works depends on who is coming and what they have to do to be there.

• Send earlier if guests must travel. A destination wedding, or one that needs flights and a hotel, needs a longer runway than one in the town where most people live.
• Send earlier if guests need to book leave or arrange childcare. Some people plan that a long way ahead, and others cannot.
• Send when the date is firm. A save the date for a date you may move is worse than none. Confirm it with the venue first.
• Ask your venue and suppliers about their own dates. Some need numbers at a set point, and that can drive when you send the invitation and set your reply-by date. See choosing an RSVP deadline.

The simplest approach is to work backwards. Start from the date your caterer or venue needs final numbers, set your reply-by date a comfortable margin before it, then decide how long you want guests to have to answer, and send the invitation that far ahead. The save the date goes out before that, earlier still if people will be travelling.

Weekends and multi-day weddings

If the wedding is one part of a weekend, the save the date should say so. Guests deciding whether to take extra leave or book a hotel for several nights need to know before the detail exists.

• Give the span of days, even if the programme is not final.
• Say which parts everyone is invited to, and which are smaller.
• Tell guests when the full schedule will come, so they know when to stop asking.

When the invitations follow, see tracking RSVPs for a wedding weekend for counting each event separately.

Be honest about what is not decided. “Details to follow” is fine. Guessing at a time and then changing it is not.

Collect emails and addresses early

The save the date is a good moment to get contact details right. An out-of-date address or an email a guest no longer uses will cost you more later than a short form costs now.

Ask for the one thing you need. For a digital invitation, that is an email address. For a paper one, a postal address. Say what you will use it for, and use it only for that.

Digital or paper?

Either works for a save the date. Digital is quicker, easier to correct and costs nothing to resend. Paper feels more ceremonial and suits formal weddings or guests who are not online. Some people send both. If you do, make sure the details match.

Whichever you use, write down who got one. You will need that list when you decide who gets the invitation.

Save the date wording

Keep it short. Names, date, and a line that more is coming. Add a place name only if it is settled.

What not to do

That means settling the guest list, at least roughly, before the first one goes out.

• Do not send it before the date is firm. Changing a date after you have asked people to hold it costs goodwill.
• Do not ask for a reply you cannot use. A save the date is not an RSVP. If you count on it as a headcount, you will miscount.
• Do not skip the invitation because the save the date “had everything”. Guests still need the formal ask, and you still need their answers.

Once the invitation is out, the job is getting replies. There is more on that in getting people to RSVP.

How JoinMe handles a save the date

You can start a JoinMe event as a save the date. The page shows the date, the names, “Formal invitation to follow” and an add-to-calendar link. Guests leave their name, an email and whether they are likely, unsure or unlikely to come, through a “Keep me posted” form. If you ask for mailing addresses, the form collects one too, and you can print address labels from those replies for the paper invitation.

Those answers are not RSVPs and do not count toward capacity. When you are ready, press “Send the invitation” and everyone who left an email is sent the invite link. The page also shows a countdown and, if you add them, where to stay nearby, so travelling guests can book early. See everything a wedding RSVP page includes.